Indistinct Mumblings of an Unsound Mind

Yesterday we did a tour de furniture stores and ended up bying a sofa and a loveseat from Ashley Furniture.  It’s a nice set, as can be seen in the pictures following.

In other news, Ray has yet to pay me back. At first he said Friday. Then he told Kayla Saturday. So I called him, bantered a bit, and he said he’d pay me by end of business today.  Which he didn’t, but I figured he wouldn’t. That wasn’t the problem.

The problem was, during the conversation I was trying to have with him, Kayla kept interrupting. She was having a mini-conniption fit. She was almost screaming, telling me to just get the conversation over with, get to the point, etc. She just couldn’t abide my razzing him, despite the fact that he owes me money and had already been late to deliver once.

So I asked her why. Why is she so protective over him. Of course she filled me with yet another bullshit answer: He doesn’t need any additional crap in his life. Which is partially true. But it took her a half hour to come up with that answer. This follows up the question i posed yesterday: Why do you love and trust him?

She didn’t have an answer that she was willing to confide in me,  but admitted that she had figured it out about 2 months ago. Which just chafes my hide. I’ve been with her for almost 5 years, and I’m still don’t get to know why I’m just the guy she’s settling for. To me, it’s like she’s still waiting for him to come and rescue her from the horrible life she shares with me.

It really screws with me. I’m second best. Well, not even really second best; but at least it’s clear why the other guys are “so much better” than me. I’m just tired of the insecurity being in a relationship with her causes. More and more lately, I’ve just been wanting to stop everything. It feels so fake, with her constantly being available for people like him, but so rarely does she even give me a fifth of the effort she does for him.  It’s depressing, and all it does is set off the hallucinations and the downward spiral.

But this is my life.

Categories: Everyday

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